“It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, He had His eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone.” Ephesians 1:11-12
Okay, so I’m going to take a different spin on this. I am completely behind the author’s encouragement to say no, but I also want to encourage you to say yes. I believe that we don’t really even think about what our child is asking for. We just throw out a no instead of being bothered with them. Then when they pester us enough to listen to their request, we realize it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if we said yes. And so we do. But as the author implies, we are slowly decreasing the value of our no’s. So, next time your child says, “Mom, can I go play in those puddles” or stomps right on into them, think about it. Do you have a change of clothes? Could they ride home in their diaper or undies? If so, then say yes! If not, then say no and stick to it.
This is really working well at our house. Though my child is far from listening when I say no, I have been able to decrease the no’s so that he does listen to them more often. I had gotten to the point where I felt like I said no and dished out spankings over and over again. So now I think about it. (Parker has even picked up on my umm’s. I’ll ask him if he wants cookies or crackers and he’ll say, umm…too cute!) But I make my decision count, and I make it final. If he disobeys, he gets a spanking. I am still in the bad habit of handing out warnings, though. “If you do that one more time I will spank you.” I need to get better on giving one command and then a spanking for disobedience. We are all works in progress as the scripture points out. Parenting is a learning process. I hope you have been able to learn from Jennifer and I as we muddle through, passing along the bits we are actually getting right…after much trial and error.
On another note, I just want to praise God for our soldiers who are currently serving on active duty, those who are veterans, and those who have given their lives so that I may sit by the lake and eat barbecue this weekend. We are so amazingly blessed to have these men and women who love us enough to lay down their lives. We are even more blessed to have a Savior who did the same. Happy 4th of July!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Mistakes
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. James 1:2-3
Again, I would like to extend a special thank you to Heather for continuing with the reflections while I was adjusting to life with a newborn. We welcomed Emmy into the world about three weeks ago. She’s a sweet baby girl and we are all enjoying her!
I would like to lead this reflection with the same question that was posed in the first sentence of the reading, “When was the last time that you made a mistake?” Did you need to think long and hard on that question? Doubtful. We all make mistakes each day (some days we make many more than others). We make mistakes in our personal, professional and family lives.
Let me give you a funny example of a mistake I made just before going on maternity leave. I work part time as a public relations coordinator, which means I spend most of my time writing and although I write a great deal one of my weaknesses is proofreading. Several others of much more authority proofread my work before I send it to the public. I was trying to get out an email quickly. In the body of the email, where I was mentioning the good works of our organization, I mentioned Pam’s Pantry (which provides food for those in need). I left out a letter though – and it read “Pam’s Panty.” This email was distributed to about 1,000 community members – whoops! Luckily, my colleagues made a joke of it and were very forgiving. I think I need to take a proofreading course!
Not all mistakes are a laughing matter though. Some mistakes we make may hurt others – our spouses, kids, or other family members. It’s important to know that when we do make mistakes we should ask others for forgiveness. We should also ask God for forgiveness and grant ourselves forgiveness as well. I think we, as women, tend to be hardest on ourselves. It’s important to remember that God forgives, so we must forgive ourselves. Also, we must forgive others for their mistakes.
Little did I know how many mistakes I would make as a parent (and my son is only two). Do you find yourself making mistakes as a mother? Who would know that parenting would be so challenging! I sometimes make the mistake of yelling at my son because I have lost my patience. I realize now the importance of quickly apologizing. The beauty of children is that they are so forgiving – not sure this holds true though once they are teenagers!
Lastly, I would like to mention that I find I make more mistakes when I don’t listen to my intuition. I think the female or “mother” intuition is truly a gift from God - let that intuition guide you as I believe its God working through us. Trust the Lord and trust in yourself. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
Again, I would like to extend a special thank you to Heather for continuing with the reflections while I was adjusting to life with a newborn. We welcomed Emmy into the world about three weeks ago. She’s a sweet baby girl and we are all enjoying her!
I would like to lead this reflection with the same question that was posed in the first sentence of the reading, “When was the last time that you made a mistake?” Did you need to think long and hard on that question? Doubtful. We all make mistakes each day (some days we make many more than others). We make mistakes in our personal, professional and family lives.
Let me give you a funny example of a mistake I made just before going on maternity leave. I work part time as a public relations coordinator, which means I spend most of my time writing and although I write a great deal one of my weaknesses is proofreading. Several others of much more authority proofread my work before I send it to the public. I was trying to get out an email quickly. In the body of the email, where I was mentioning the good works of our organization, I mentioned Pam’s Pantry (which provides food for those in need). I left out a letter though – and it read “Pam’s Panty.” This email was distributed to about 1,000 community members – whoops! Luckily, my colleagues made a joke of it and were very forgiving. I think I need to take a proofreading course!
Not all mistakes are a laughing matter though. Some mistakes we make may hurt others – our spouses, kids, or other family members. It’s important to know that when we do make mistakes we should ask others for forgiveness. We should also ask God for forgiveness and grant ourselves forgiveness as well. I think we, as women, tend to be hardest on ourselves. It’s important to remember that God forgives, so we must forgive ourselves. Also, we must forgive others for their mistakes.
Little did I know how many mistakes I would make as a parent (and my son is only two). Do you find yourself making mistakes as a mother? Who would know that parenting would be so challenging! I sometimes make the mistake of yelling at my son because I have lost my patience. I realize now the importance of quickly apologizing. The beauty of children is that they are so forgiving – not sure this holds true though once they are teenagers!
Lastly, I would like to mention that I find I make more mistakes when I don’t listen to my intuition. I think the female or “mother” intuition is truly a gift from God - let that intuition guide you as I believe its God working through us. Trust the Lord and trust in yourself. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Men
God spoke: “Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature.” Genesis 1:26
So as I near our seventh anniversary, God must be preparing me for the seven year itch. I have heard that it seems to be the time when many married couples have trouble or divorce each other. So, I have actually already heard a few messages similar to our motivational…in our sermons lately as well as in my Sunday night small group. God seems to be reminding me of the worth of men, especially my husband. And I must admit that it is info I needed to hear and that I need to have drilled into my brain. Like many of you have realized, we are in a society where the men don’t always wear the pants.
But God commanded that they wear them. Submission is such a dirty word these days, but yall, it is Biblical. God created man first to be the leader of the vegetation, the animals, and his wife. We were made as helpers. In my recent studies I have found 3 reasons why I believe I have not been submitting to my husband. First, our society has raised some very independent women. Many of us were living on our own quite successfully before we even met our husbands. Some of us have jobs and may make more than our husbands. This is not an excuse. Your husband deserves your respect, and he should be the final word. Unless he is making decisions that go against God’s will, you need to try really hard to back him up.
Second, many men are not what men used to be. Some have been okay with the woman taking over. Some have been lazy in their home life, their work life, and their spiritual life. They let their wife teach the children about Jesus instead of taking an active role in preparing them for salvation. They may not measure up to what you think deserves your respect. But God didn’t say “submit to your husbands if they deserve it.” He just said do it. And as I am learning in my study, if you give respect they will notice and the cycle will turn in a positive direction of loving words and actions. My third pathetic excuse it that I am sinful. I like having the last word. I want to be right all the time. I want to decide who, when, where, and what. But I am setting a poor example for Parker. So, my new mantra is from 1 Timothy 2:11-15. It basically tells me to be quiet and listen so I can learn. I don’t have authority over a man. Eve sinned and threw all women under the bus. Pretty crude, huh? But it also says we will be saved through childbearing. That’s another whole blog, but something to think about.
So, I know this is deep stuff and some of you may be thinking I am crazy and need to go hitch a ride on a wagon with my hoop skirt. But I am being taught this lesson over and over again lately, so I thought I would pass it along to you. I am really trying to respect my husband more. I actually listen to his ideas and take a back seat sometimes…though I have a long way to go. I would love to hear some comments on this since I know it has got you thinking!
So as I near our seventh anniversary, God must be preparing me for the seven year itch. I have heard that it seems to be the time when many married couples have trouble or divorce each other. So, I have actually already heard a few messages similar to our motivational…in our sermons lately as well as in my Sunday night small group. God seems to be reminding me of the worth of men, especially my husband. And I must admit that it is info I needed to hear and that I need to have drilled into my brain. Like many of you have realized, we are in a society where the men don’t always wear the pants.
But God commanded that they wear them. Submission is such a dirty word these days, but yall, it is Biblical. God created man first to be the leader of the vegetation, the animals, and his wife. We were made as helpers. In my recent studies I have found 3 reasons why I believe I have not been submitting to my husband. First, our society has raised some very independent women. Many of us were living on our own quite successfully before we even met our husbands. Some of us have jobs and may make more than our husbands. This is not an excuse. Your husband deserves your respect, and he should be the final word. Unless he is making decisions that go against God’s will, you need to try really hard to back him up.
Second, many men are not what men used to be. Some have been okay with the woman taking over. Some have been lazy in their home life, their work life, and their spiritual life. They let their wife teach the children about Jesus instead of taking an active role in preparing them for salvation. They may not measure up to what you think deserves your respect. But God didn’t say “submit to your husbands if they deserve it.” He just said do it. And as I am learning in my study, if you give respect they will notice and the cycle will turn in a positive direction of loving words and actions. My third pathetic excuse it that I am sinful. I like having the last word. I want to be right all the time. I want to decide who, when, where, and what. But I am setting a poor example for Parker. So, my new mantra is from 1 Timothy 2:11-15. It basically tells me to be quiet and listen so I can learn. I don’t have authority over a man. Eve sinned and threw all women under the bus. Pretty crude, huh? But it also says we will be saved through childbearing. That’s another whole blog, but something to think about.
So, I know this is deep stuff and some of you may be thinking I am crazy and need to go hitch a ride on a wagon with my hoop skirt. But I am being taught this lesson over and over again lately, so I thought I would pass it along to you. I am really trying to respect my husband more. I actually listen to his ideas and take a back seat sometimes…though I have a long way to go. I would love to hear some comments on this since I know it has got you thinking!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Listening
“Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” James 1:19
Well, that is some advice! I love to talk so I had to submit myself to this week’s blog. I have actually had lots of conversations about how much I talk…in the 6th grade my teacher called me a talking island! She said she could put me all by myself and I would still be talking. Not only did I get in trouble a lot, but imagine how much I could have learned if I had listened! I am still working on my listening instead of talking these days. My friend Amanda and I just spoke about how we both tend to be forming our next thought instead of listening when we are having a conversation.
Other people have so much to teach us. One reason little kids learn so much so quick is because they can’t talk that much. So, they just have to listen. That’s why they pick up on everything we say. Those of you with teenagers know the opposite is often true…they never pick up on anything you say because they are always talking! The first step to being a good listener is to stop talking and then you have to stop thinking about what you will say next. Instead, really focus on the words coming out of the mouth of your husband, child, etc. Actually think about what they are saying, especially if they are offering advice or giving you their point of view during an argument. Even kids deserve to be heard. Have you ever thought about asking your child why he doesn’t want to eat something or why she refuses to take a bath? It may be a silly reason, but at least they will feel like they have been given a fair chance if you listen to them before forcing them to do something they don’t want to do.
I am in the middle of a Bible Study with the book Love and Respect¬. It talks about how men want our respect more than anything. Refusing to listen to your husband is the easiest way to put him on the defensive. He will feel disrespected and then fire back with unloving words. It starts a cycle that ruins what could have been a nice conversation. Whether you are talking with (notice I said talking with, not talking to) your husband, kids, mom, etc. try to actually evaluate the words they are saying. Take your time before you respond and let them know that you value their input. I promise it can make a heated argument turn into a very productive moment. It will take some practice, but I promise you will love the outcome!
Well, that is some advice! I love to talk so I had to submit myself to this week’s blog. I have actually had lots of conversations about how much I talk…in the 6th grade my teacher called me a talking island! She said she could put me all by myself and I would still be talking. Not only did I get in trouble a lot, but imagine how much I could have learned if I had listened! I am still working on my listening instead of talking these days. My friend Amanda and I just spoke about how we both tend to be forming our next thought instead of listening when we are having a conversation.
Other people have so much to teach us. One reason little kids learn so much so quick is because they can’t talk that much. So, they just have to listen. That’s why they pick up on everything we say. Those of you with teenagers know the opposite is often true…they never pick up on anything you say because they are always talking! The first step to being a good listener is to stop talking and then you have to stop thinking about what you will say next. Instead, really focus on the words coming out of the mouth of your husband, child, etc. Actually think about what they are saying, especially if they are offering advice or giving you their point of view during an argument. Even kids deserve to be heard. Have you ever thought about asking your child why he doesn’t want to eat something or why she refuses to take a bath? It may be a silly reason, but at least they will feel like they have been given a fair chance if you listen to them before forcing them to do something they don’t want to do.
I am in the middle of a Bible Study with the book Love and Respect¬. It talks about how men want our respect more than anything. Refusing to listen to your husband is the easiest way to put him on the defensive. He will feel disrespected and then fire back with unloving words. It starts a cycle that ruins what could have been a nice conversation. Whether you are talking with (notice I said talking with, not talking to) your husband, kids, mom, etc. try to actually evaluate the words they are saying. Take your time before you respond and let them know that you value their input. I promise it can make a heated argument turn into a very productive moment. It will take some practice, but I promise you will love the outcome!
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