Listening

“Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” James 1:19

Well, that is some advice! I love to talk so I had to submit myself to this week’s blog. I have actually had lots of conversations about how much I talk…in the 6th grade my teacher called me a talking island! She said she could put me all by myself and I would still be talking. Not only did I get in trouble a lot, but imagine how much I could have learned if I had listened! I am still working on my listening instead of talking these days. My friend Amanda and I just spoke about how we both tend to be forming our next thought instead of listening when we are having a conversation.

Other people have so much to teach us. One reason little kids learn so much so quick is because they can’t talk that much. So, they just have to listen. That’s why they pick up on everything we say. Those of you with teenagers know the opposite is often true…they never pick up on anything you say because they are always talking! The first step to being a good listener is to stop talking and then you have to stop thinking about what you will say next. Instead, really focus on the words coming out of the mouth of your husband, child, etc. Actually think about what they are saying, especially if they are offering advice or giving you their point of view during an argument. Even kids deserve to be heard. Have you ever thought about asking your child why he doesn’t want to eat something or why she refuses to take a bath? It may be a silly reason, but at least they will feel like they have been given a fair chance if you listen to them before forcing them to do something they don’t want to do.

I am in the middle of a Bible Study with the book Love and Respect¬. It talks about how men want our respect more than anything. Refusing to listen to your husband is the easiest way to put him on the defensive. He will feel disrespected and then fire back with unloving words. It starts a cycle that ruins what could have been a nice conversation. Whether you are talking with (notice I said talking with, not talking to) your husband, kids, mom, etc. try to actually evaluate the words they are saying. Take your time before you respond and let them know that you value their input. I promise it can make a heated argument turn into a very productive moment. It will take some practice, but I promise you will love the outcome!