“Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” James 1:19
Well, that is some advice! I love to talk so I had to submit myself to this week’s blog. I have actually had lots of conversations about how much I talk…in the 6th grade my teacher called me a talking island! She said she could put me all by myself and I would still be talking. Not only did I get in trouble a lot, but imagine how much I could have learned if I had listened! I am still working on my listening instead of talking these days. My friend Amanda and I just spoke about how we both tend to be forming our next thought instead of listening when we are having a conversation.
Other people have so much to teach us. One reason little kids learn so much so quick is because they can’t talk that much. So, they just have to listen. That’s why they pick up on everything we say. Those of you with teenagers know the opposite is often true…they never pick up on anything you say because they are always talking! The first step to being a good listener is to stop talking and then you have to stop thinking about what you will say next. Instead, really focus on the words coming out of the mouth of your husband, child, etc. Actually think about what they are saying, especially if they are offering advice or giving you their point of view during an argument. Even kids deserve to be heard. Have you ever thought about asking your child why he doesn’t want to eat something or why she refuses to take a bath? It may be a silly reason, but at least they will feel like they have been given a fair chance if you listen to them before forcing them to do something they don’t want to do.
I am in the middle of a Bible Study with the book Love and Respect¬. It talks about how men want our respect more than anything. Refusing to listen to your husband is the easiest way to put him on the defensive. He will feel disrespected and then fire back with unloving words. It starts a cycle that ruins what could have been a nice conversation. Whether you are talking with (notice I said talking with, not talking to) your husband, kids, mom, etc. try to actually evaluate the words they are saying. Take your time before you respond and let them know that you value their input. I promise it can make a heated argument turn into a very productive moment. It will take some practice, but I promise you will love the outcome!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Language
Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don't talk dirty of silly. That kind of talk doesn't fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect. Ephesians 5:4
Before I begin this week's reflection, I would like to express my sincere thanks to Heather, who has been posting for the past few weeks. I appreciate that Heather has continued to post while I've been dragging my feet through my last month of pregnancy and chasing my 2 year old around! Instead of having a peaceful and productive two hours while he naps on Thursdays and Fridays (and weekends), I have been napping at the same time - and usually for just as long. Thank you again Heather. I hope to get back on track even though the new baby is set to arrive any day now :)
Think of the power of language - it has the ability to bring people up or tear them down in mere seconds. How do you use your words? As the reflection mentions the good Lord wants us to put our words to better service. He wants us to use our words in thanksgiving. Imagine if all the words that we used, all the times that we speak to each other the language is that of thanksgiving.
As those of you who have young children or interact with young children know, the words of adults are often repeated (at the most inopportune times). You should speak as if your two year old is always listening and would not be embarrassed if he or she repeated what you said. It's always amazing to me how my son soaks up every word that my husband and I say... and then knows just when to use those words. I am actually proud of most of the sentences that Owen repeats. For example, my husband and I often thank each or thank Owen for doing household chores. Therefore, sometimes Owen will tell us thank you for emptying the dishwasher or thank you for getting his chocolate milk. It's nice to hear him express his thanks. Other times Owen is just silly with his words, telling me "I have to pee so bad." Ironically, he's still in diapers and can do this anytime but he hears me voicing my thoughts and happily repeats them!
Take time this week to really listen to your interactions with others including your spouse and children. Your words are so powerful. Ask God to guide you as you choose the right words to express contenment, disappointment, confusion, etc. Try to use words of thanksgiving in each interaction.
Before I begin this week's reflection, I would like to express my sincere thanks to Heather, who has been posting for the past few weeks. I appreciate that Heather has continued to post while I've been dragging my feet through my last month of pregnancy and chasing my 2 year old around! Instead of having a peaceful and productive two hours while he naps on Thursdays and Fridays (and weekends), I have been napping at the same time - and usually for just as long. Thank you again Heather. I hope to get back on track even though the new baby is set to arrive any day now :)
Think of the power of language - it has the ability to bring people up or tear them down in mere seconds. How do you use your words? As the reflection mentions the good Lord wants us to put our words to better service. He wants us to use our words in thanksgiving. Imagine if all the words that we used, all the times that we speak to each other the language is that of thanksgiving.
As those of you who have young children or interact with young children know, the words of adults are often repeated (at the most inopportune times). You should speak as if your two year old is always listening and would not be embarrassed if he or she repeated what you said. It's always amazing to me how my son soaks up every word that my husband and I say... and then knows just when to use those words. I am actually proud of most of the sentences that Owen repeats. For example, my husband and I often thank each or thank Owen for doing household chores. Therefore, sometimes Owen will tell us thank you for emptying the dishwasher or thank you for getting his chocolate milk. It's nice to hear him express his thanks. Other times Owen is just silly with his words, telling me "I have to pee so bad." Ironically, he's still in diapers and can do this anytime but he hears me voicing my thoughts and happily repeats them!
Take time this week to really listen to your interactions with others including your spouse and children. Your words are so powerful. Ask God to guide you as you choose the right words to express contenment, disappointment, confusion, etc. Try to use words of thanksgiving in each interaction.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Kindness
"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive and offense.” Colossians 3:12-13
“Thank you ma’am.” Parker says to the man who hands him a sticker. I am beaming from ear to ear. Forget the fact that he said ma’am to a guy…he was using his manners and being kind. I know not all of our readers are from the South so I need a Northern comment to balance me out, but I love being from the South. I love to have doors opened for me and don’t mind being called ma’am by my student athletes at work. I love to show the same respect to people. I’m not trying to say you are old when I say yes ma’am or sir. I use it for everyone. I was brought up that way and I choose to raise Parker in the same manner.
But that’s not all that kindness is about. The Random Acts of Kindness or Pay It Forward movements are fantastic in my opinion. Who needs a reason to share God’s love? Teaching your children to make a conscious effort to make other people happy is what God meant by “love your neighbor.” After all, Jesus cited it as the second most important commandment for a reason…it is important to God. Many of us have trouble approaching people formally with the Gospel. But kindness takes as little or as much effort as you want to put into it.
Send an old-fashioned card to a friend for no reason…just to tell them you think they are great. Keep extra candy in your purse to offer to another child who sees your little one sucking on a yummy treat. Put a cute little note for your husband to find that reminds him why you love him. When you are finally shopping all by yourself, help the mom of 3 struggling with her groceries behind you. I love the translation above to be content with second place. So let that car out in front of you. Let someone else use the elevator while you wait. You get the picture. Kindness is not hard. It just takes a little thought. It can even become second nature if you do it enough and expect your kids to do it. So let me know if you have any good advice for instilling kindness in your little one or brightening someone else’s day yourself!
“Thank you ma’am.” Parker says to the man who hands him a sticker. I am beaming from ear to ear. Forget the fact that he said ma’am to a guy…he was using his manners and being kind. I know not all of our readers are from the South so I need a Northern comment to balance me out, but I love being from the South. I love to have doors opened for me and don’t mind being called ma’am by my student athletes at work. I love to show the same respect to people. I’m not trying to say you are old when I say yes ma’am or sir. I use it for everyone. I was brought up that way and I choose to raise Parker in the same manner.
But that’s not all that kindness is about. The Random Acts of Kindness or Pay It Forward movements are fantastic in my opinion. Who needs a reason to share God’s love? Teaching your children to make a conscious effort to make other people happy is what God meant by “love your neighbor.” After all, Jesus cited it as the second most important commandment for a reason…it is important to God. Many of us have trouble approaching people formally with the Gospel. But kindness takes as little or as much effort as you want to put into it.
Send an old-fashioned card to a friend for no reason…just to tell them you think they are great. Keep extra candy in your purse to offer to another child who sees your little one sucking on a yummy treat. Put a cute little note for your husband to find that reminds him why you love him. When you are finally shopping all by yourself, help the mom of 3 struggling with her groceries behind you. I love the translation above to be content with second place. So let that car out in front of you. Let someone else use the elevator while you wait. You get the picture. Kindness is not hard. It just takes a little thought. It can even become second nature if you do it enough and expect your kids to do it. So let me know if you have any good advice for instilling kindness in your little one or brightening someone else’s day yourself!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Judging
“Don’t be nitpickers; use your head—and heart!—to discern what is right, to test what is authentically right.” John 7:24
Happy Mother’s Day! I hope that you each enjoyed the day and were reminded of the joy that God has given you through motherhood. I actually caught a nap today! That was after I judged which dessert looked best at the restaurant! I guess the author is right that judging has caught a bad rap. We are always told not to judge, but what about when we need to judge. Which dress looks best for the event? Which is your healthiest option at the vending machine? Is this playground too high for your little one? There are even times you need to judge other people. Should I walk alone by that crowd of men? Is it okay to let that woman hold my child? (You know you’ve had strangers ask!) Do I really trust this cab driver on this side of town?
You can’t spend your life worrying about everyone, but split judgments of character could save your life. Nitpicking, however, will not. For example, your child will never be perfect. He or she will make a scene at the store, demand to wear a superman cape or tutu to church, or flat out refuse to say hello to the nice man in line. That is when you have to choose what is important. What is shaping your child’s character? For me, I don’t mind Parker picking out something crazy to wear, but I do want him to have manners and speak when spoken to.
As for judging others, we all do it. We just need to make an effort to correct ourselves when we are judging out of jealousy or annoyance. I really wish I had beautiful hair, so I have started admiring the pretty hair around me. I once would have found something critical to think to make myself feel prettier than that person. And I am quick to say ugly things about people who do things I don’t like. I’m working on that, too. So, the next time an ugly judgment comes to mind, quickly find something nice to think about that person. If you are really ready for a challenge, say the nice thing to their face. Don’t make it sugary or over the top, though, or it will come off as fake. Especially, those of you in the South…bless your heart should not precede your compliment!
Happy Mother’s Day! I hope that you each enjoyed the day and were reminded of the joy that God has given you through motherhood. I actually caught a nap today! That was after I judged which dessert looked best at the restaurant! I guess the author is right that judging has caught a bad rap. We are always told not to judge, but what about when we need to judge. Which dress looks best for the event? Which is your healthiest option at the vending machine? Is this playground too high for your little one? There are even times you need to judge other people. Should I walk alone by that crowd of men? Is it okay to let that woman hold my child? (You know you’ve had strangers ask!) Do I really trust this cab driver on this side of town?
You can’t spend your life worrying about everyone, but split judgments of character could save your life. Nitpicking, however, will not. For example, your child will never be perfect. He or she will make a scene at the store, demand to wear a superman cape or tutu to church, or flat out refuse to say hello to the nice man in line. That is when you have to choose what is important. What is shaping your child’s character? For me, I don’t mind Parker picking out something crazy to wear, but I do want him to have manners and speak when spoken to.
As for judging others, we all do it. We just need to make an effort to correct ourselves when we are judging out of jealousy or annoyance. I really wish I had beautiful hair, so I have started admiring the pretty hair around me. I once would have found something critical to think to make myself feel prettier than that person. And I am quick to say ugly things about people who do things I don’t like. I’m working on that, too. So, the next time an ugly judgment comes to mind, quickly find something nice to think about that person. If you are really ready for a challenge, say the nice thing to their face. Don’t make it sugary or over the top, though, or it will come off as fake. Especially, those of you in the South…bless your heart should not precede your compliment!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Improvements
“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong; By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. Philippians 3:12
Ah, the famous race toward the goal verse. It appears on football plaques, in coaches’ speeches, and even on purses these days. It is typically thought of as a sports mantra. For moms it can be even more. And for Christians, it should be our whole existence.
For the athletic theme, many of you fondly remember days of high school softball, volleyball, etc. For me it was more like intramural football and soccer at Troy. Your goal was scoring a run, defending a goal, or making a certain time. In that very moment nothing else mattered. Your adrenaline was pumping and the sweet taste of victory was on your tongue.
What if we put that kind of effort into raising our kids? The goal is Christ-centered adults who have a personal relationship with Jesus and seek to share that with others. Every day, nothing else matters. You can see that little boy or girl someday growing up to make a difference in this world. That is a much sweeter taste of victory than any trophy or accolade from a coach. But we have to consciously make the effort to reach that goal. We can’t rely on teachers at school or church to mold our little ones. We can’t expect our husbands or family members to get the job done. We have to train ourselves everyday by putting in practice time(reading our Bibles, spending time in prayer), stepping up to the plate (really thinking about how we will answer our child’s question Biblically or explain to him about God’s love), hitting the ball (showing him a Christian example to follow), and running our hardest toward home plate (setting goals for the future like family mission trips or daily quiet times as he is old enough).
But the true race that we are running is the race of life. We run toward Jesus, trusting Him in every situation. We honor Him with our choices, our worship, and our relationships. The goal is eternity with Him and the taste of victory will come when He says, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
So, back to improvements. Your sports days may be over, but how can you improve the way you raise your kids? How can you improve their meals, their education, their exposure to Jesus and His Word? And how can you improve your own exposure and opportunities to study and worship Him? What about your meals, your fitness, your relationships? Step it up and keep your eyes on the prize! No turning back!
Ah, the famous race toward the goal verse. It appears on football plaques, in coaches’ speeches, and even on purses these days. It is typically thought of as a sports mantra. For moms it can be even more. And for Christians, it should be our whole existence.
For the athletic theme, many of you fondly remember days of high school softball, volleyball, etc. For me it was more like intramural football and soccer at Troy. Your goal was scoring a run, defending a goal, or making a certain time. In that very moment nothing else mattered. Your adrenaline was pumping and the sweet taste of victory was on your tongue.
What if we put that kind of effort into raising our kids? The goal is Christ-centered adults who have a personal relationship with Jesus and seek to share that with others. Every day, nothing else matters. You can see that little boy or girl someday growing up to make a difference in this world. That is a much sweeter taste of victory than any trophy or accolade from a coach. But we have to consciously make the effort to reach that goal. We can’t rely on teachers at school or church to mold our little ones. We can’t expect our husbands or family members to get the job done. We have to train ourselves everyday by putting in practice time(reading our Bibles, spending time in prayer), stepping up to the plate (really thinking about how we will answer our child’s question Biblically or explain to him about God’s love), hitting the ball (showing him a Christian example to follow), and running our hardest toward home plate (setting goals for the future like family mission trips or daily quiet times as he is old enough).
But the true race that we are running is the race of life. We run toward Jesus, trusting Him in every situation. We honor Him with our choices, our worship, and our relationships. The goal is eternity with Him and the taste of victory will come when He says, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
So, back to improvements. Your sports days may be over, but how can you improve the way you raise your kids? How can you improve their meals, their education, their exposure to Jesus and His Word? And how can you improve your own exposure and opportunities to study and worship Him? What about your meals, your fitness, your relationships? Step it up and keep your eyes on the prize! No turning back!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Ignorance
“In a well-furnished kitchen there are not only crystal goblets and silver platters, but waste cans and compost buckets—some containers used to serve fine meals, others to take out the garbage. Become the kind of container God can use to present any and every kind of gift to his guests for their blessing.” 2 Timothy 2:20-21
Okay, so this version is a bit of a stretch from my NIV. And I can’t say that I completely get the reference to ignorance. If you put the NIV together with this version, it makes a little more sense. It adds that you have to cleanse yourself from the garbage (ignorance) in order to “be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the master and prepared to do good work.” Preparation really is the key to doing well with anything in life. Sure, you may be able to squeak by again and again, but will only get out of it what you put into it. I teach a 4 year old class at church. Some weeks I am exhausted and make the decision not to prepare a story or games, etc. Sometimes I luck out and am able to wing it. Typically, however, there is mass chaos in my room. The kids aren’t listening because I haven’t put forth the effort to make it fun. They are talking to each other and finding better things to get into. But when I have confidence in my activities and show them how excited I am about teaching them about a story from the Bible, it comes alive. Their parents are even pleased because they are chatting them up about the lesson, crafts, and games. They actually learned something at church.
The same goes for when we are simply the listener. Preparing your heart before a sermon or Bible study can make a big difference. Reading the material is often not on your list of priorities, but you will be so glad you did. And you can never go wrong with treating your Bible like a textbook. Learn the stories; keep the verses in your heart for future reference.
I really love the author’s idea to let your kids see you doing your homework. Oh, how kids hate homework! Make sure not to stress that homework never goes away, but how the love of learning can be a good thing. Explain that the Bible teaches you how to pass tests everyday…when making decisions about how to discipline them, how to treat other people, and how to one day get to Heaven.
So, onto another suggestion by the author…what word will my 1 year old learn tomorrow…He seems to pick up a new one every day! I’m thinking parameters (one of the author’s suggestions, which is defined as limits; boundaries) would be a good place to start! I hope you are all having a great week!
Okay, so this version is a bit of a stretch from my NIV. And I can’t say that I completely get the reference to ignorance. If you put the NIV together with this version, it makes a little more sense. It adds that you have to cleanse yourself from the garbage (ignorance) in order to “be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the master and prepared to do good work.” Preparation really is the key to doing well with anything in life. Sure, you may be able to squeak by again and again, but will only get out of it what you put into it. I teach a 4 year old class at church. Some weeks I am exhausted and make the decision not to prepare a story or games, etc. Sometimes I luck out and am able to wing it. Typically, however, there is mass chaos in my room. The kids aren’t listening because I haven’t put forth the effort to make it fun. They are talking to each other and finding better things to get into. But when I have confidence in my activities and show them how excited I am about teaching them about a story from the Bible, it comes alive. Their parents are even pleased because they are chatting them up about the lesson, crafts, and games. They actually learned something at church.
The same goes for when we are simply the listener. Preparing your heart before a sermon or Bible study can make a big difference. Reading the material is often not on your list of priorities, but you will be so glad you did. And you can never go wrong with treating your Bible like a textbook. Learn the stories; keep the verses in your heart for future reference.
I really love the author’s idea to let your kids see you doing your homework. Oh, how kids hate homework! Make sure not to stress that homework never goes away, but how the love of learning can be a good thing. Explain that the Bible teaches you how to pass tests everyday…when making decisions about how to discipline them, how to treat other people, and how to one day get to Heaven.
So, onto another suggestion by the author…what word will my 1 year old learn tomorrow…He seems to pick up a new one every day! I’m thinking parameters (one of the author’s suggestions, which is defined as limits; boundaries) would be a good place to start! I hope you are all having a great week!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Hate
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs. Proverbs 10:12
When I was growing up, I remember my grandmother (who is also my godmother) saying that I should not use the word "hate." Knowing that my grandmother was wise and of course, out of respect, I refrained from using the word hate.
What does the word hate really mean? According to our friends at dictionary.com, hate is to dislike intensely or passionately. Such feeling must stem from Satan as our Lord, God, does not encourage such feeling instead He teaches us to love our enemies. Think about all the bad in this world from suicide bombers to kids who bully in school - and then imagine that this hate was actually covered in love... think of the lives that would be saved and the hearts that would be healed. Teach your children this love; teach your children to refrain from hatred. I know that when we get to heaven that any and all hate will be absent but it would be nice to foster love on earth. We can teach this love one person at a time, starting by being an example for our children and our families.
In your personal, professional, and family interactions do you ever come across someone who just drives you nuts?! I know that I do... and how do you react to these people and situations?Well, I know that I could stand some improvement in this area... although I may not say that I hate someone, I know that I may strongly dislike them. Instead of focusing so much negative energy around these interactions, I realize that I need to pray for these people and for the strength to show them love. Perhaps you will try the same - this week pray for those who may aggravate you. Also, try to think of the good qualities that this person (or people) possess and focus on those qualities.
When I was growing up, I remember my grandmother (who is also my godmother) saying that I should not use the word "hate." Knowing that my grandmother was wise and of course, out of respect, I refrained from using the word hate.
What does the word hate really mean? According to our friends at dictionary.com, hate is to dislike intensely or passionately. Such feeling must stem from Satan as our Lord, God, does not encourage such feeling instead He teaches us to love our enemies. Think about all the bad in this world from suicide bombers to kids who bully in school - and then imagine that this hate was actually covered in love... think of the lives that would be saved and the hearts that would be healed. Teach your children this love; teach your children to refrain from hatred. I know that when we get to heaven that any and all hate will be absent but it would be nice to foster love on earth. We can teach this love one person at a time, starting by being an example for our children and our families.
In your personal, professional, and family interactions do you ever come across someone who just drives you nuts?! I know that I do... and how do you react to these people and situations?Well, I know that I could stand some improvement in this area... although I may not say that I hate someone, I know that I may strongly dislike them. Instead of focusing so much negative energy around these interactions, I realize that I need to pray for these people and for the strength to show them love. Perhaps you will try the same - this week pray for those who may aggravate you. Also, try to think of the good qualities that this person (or people) possess and focus on those qualities.
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