Mistakes

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. James 1:2-3

Again, I would like to extend a special thank you to Heather for continuing with the reflections while I was adjusting to life with a newborn. We welcomed Emmy into the world about three weeks ago. She’s a sweet baby girl and we are all enjoying her!

I would like to lead this reflection with the same question that was posed in the first sentence of the reading, “When was the last time that you made a mistake?” Did you need to think long and hard on that question? Doubtful. We all make mistakes each day (some days we make many more than others). We make mistakes in our personal, professional and family lives.

Let me give you a funny example of a mistake I made just before going on maternity leave. I work part time as a public relations coordinator, which means I spend most of my time writing and although I write a great deal one of my weaknesses is proofreading. Several others of much more authority proofread my work before I send it to the public. I was trying to get out an email quickly. In the body of the email, where I was mentioning the good works of our organization, I mentioned Pam’s Pantry (which provides food for those in need). I left out a letter though – and it read “Pam’s Panty.” This email was distributed to about 1,000 community members – whoops! Luckily, my colleagues made a joke of it and were very forgiving. I think I need to take a proofreading course!

Not all mistakes are a laughing matter though. Some mistakes we make may hurt others – our spouses, kids, or other family members. It’s important to know that when we do make mistakes we should ask others for forgiveness. We should also ask God for forgiveness and grant ourselves forgiveness as well. I think we, as women, tend to be hardest on ourselves. It’s important to remember that God forgives, so we must forgive ourselves. Also, we must forgive others for their mistakes.

Little did I know how many mistakes I would make as a parent (and my son is only two). Do you find yourself making mistakes as a mother? Who would know that parenting would be so challenging! I sometimes make the mistake of yelling at my son because I have lost my patience. I realize now the importance of quickly apologizing. The beauty of children is that they are so forgiving – not sure this holds true though once they are teenagers!

Lastly, I would like to mention that I find I make more mistakes when I don’t listen to my intuition. I think the female or “mother” intuition is truly a gift from God - let that intuition guide you as I believe its God working through us. Trust the Lord and trust in yourself. Forgive yourself and forgive others.

Men

God spoke: “Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature.” Genesis 1:26

So as I near our seventh anniversary, God must be preparing me for the seven year itch. I have heard that it seems to be the time when many married couples have trouble or divorce each other. So, I have actually already heard a few messages similar to our motivational…in our sermons lately as well as in my Sunday night small group. God seems to be reminding me of the worth of men, especially my husband. And I must admit that it is info I needed to hear and that I need to have drilled into my brain. Like many of you have realized, we are in a society where the men don’t always wear the pants.

But God commanded that they wear them. Submission is such a dirty word these days, but yall, it is Biblical. God created man first to be the leader of the vegetation, the animals, and his wife. We were made as helpers. In my recent studies I have found 3 reasons why I believe I have not been submitting to my husband. First, our society has raised some very independent women. Many of us were living on our own quite successfully before we even met our husbands. Some of us have jobs and may make more than our husbands. This is not an excuse. Your husband deserves your respect, and he should be the final word. Unless he is making decisions that go against God’s will, you need to try really hard to back him up.

Second, many men are not what men used to be. Some have been okay with the woman taking over. Some have been lazy in their home life, their work life, and their spiritual life. They let their wife teach the children about Jesus instead of taking an active role in preparing them for salvation. They may not measure up to what you think deserves your respect. But God didn’t say “submit to your husbands if they deserve it.” He just said do it. And as I am learning in my study, if you give respect they will notice and the cycle will turn in a positive direction of loving words and actions. My third pathetic excuse it that I am sinful. I like having the last word. I want to be right all the time. I want to decide who, when, where, and what. But I am setting a poor example for Parker. So, my new mantra is from 1 Timothy 2:11-15. It basically tells me to be quiet and listen so I can learn. I don’t have authority over a man. Eve sinned and threw all women under the bus. Pretty crude, huh? But it also says we will be saved through childbearing. That’s another whole blog, but something to think about.

So, I know this is deep stuff and some of you may be thinking I am crazy and need to go hitch a ride on a wagon with my hoop skirt. But I am being taught this lesson over and over again lately, so I thought I would pass it along to you. I am really trying to respect my husband more. I actually listen to his ideas and take a back seat sometimes…though I have a long way to go. I would love to hear some comments on this since I know it has got you thinking!

Listening

“Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” James 1:19

Well, that is some advice! I love to talk so I had to submit myself to this week’s blog. I have actually had lots of conversations about how much I talk…in the 6th grade my teacher called me a talking island! She said she could put me all by myself and I would still be talking. Not only did I get in trouble a lot, but imagine how much I could have learned if I had listened! I am still working on my listening instead of talking these days. My friend Amanda and I just spoke about how we both tend to be forming our next thought instead of listening when we are having a conversation.

Other people have so much to teach us. One reason little kids learn so much so quick is because they can’t talk that much. So, they just have to listen. That’s why they pick up on everything we say. Those of you with teenagers know the opposite is often true…they never pick up on anything you say because they are always talking! The first step to being a good listener is to stop talking and then you have to stop thinking about what you will say next. Instead, really focus on the words coming out of the mouth of your husband, child, etc. Actually think about what they are saying, especially if they are offering advice or giving you their point of view during an argument. Even kids deserve to be heard. Have you ever thought about asking your child why he doesn’t want to eat something or why she refuses to take a bath? It may be a silly reason, but at least they will feel like they have been given a fair chance if you listen to them before forcing them to do something they don’t want to do.

I am in the middle of a Bible Study with the book Love and Respect¬. It talks about how men want our respect more than anything. Refusing to listen to your husband is the easiest way to put him on the defensive. He will feel disrespected and then fire back with unloving words. It starts a cycle that ruins what could have been a nice conversation. Whether you are talking with (notice I said talking with, not talking to) your husband, kids, mom, etc. try to actually evaluate the words they are saying. Take your time before you respond and let them know that you value their input. I promise it can make a heated argument turn into a very productive moment. It will take some practice, but I promise you will love the outcome!

Language

Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don't talk dirty of silly. That kind of talk doesn't fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect. Ephesians 5:4

Before I begin this week's reflection, I would like to express my sincere thanks to Heather, who has been posting for the past few weeks. I appreciate that Heather has continued to post while I've been dragging my feet through my last month of pregnancy and chasing my 2 year old around! Instead of having a peaceful and productive two hours while he naps on Thursdays and Fridays (and weekends), I have been napping at the same time - and usually for just as long. Thank you again Heather. I hope to get back on track even though the new baby is set to arrive any day now :)

Think of the power of language - it has the ability to bring people up or tear them down in mere seconds. How do you use your words? As the reflection mentions the good Lord wants us to put our words to better service. He wants us to use our words in thanksgiving. Imagine if all the words that we used, all the times that we speak to each other the language is that of thanksgiving.

As those of you who have young children or interact with young children know, the words of adults are often repeated (at the most inopportune times). You should speak as if your two year old is always listening and would not be embarrassed if he or she repeated what you said. It's always amazing to me how my son soaks up every word that my husband and I say... and then knows just when to use those words. I am actually proud of most of the sentences that Owen repeats. For example, my husband and I often thank each or thank Owen for doing household chores. Therefore, sometimes Owen will tell us thank you for emptying the dishwasher or thank you for getting his chocolate milk. It's nice to hear him express his thanks. Other times Owen is just silly with his words, telling me "I have to pee so bad." Ironically, he's still in diapers and can do this anytime but he hears me voicing my thoughts and happily repeats them!

Take time this week to really listen to your interactions with others including your spouse and children. Your words are so powerful. Ask God to guide you as you choose the right words to express contenment, disappointment, confusion, etc. Try to use words of thanksgiving in each interaction.

Kindness

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive and offense.” Colossians 3:12-13

“Thank you ma’am.” Parker says to the man who hands him a sticker. I am beaming from ear to ear. Forget the fact that he said ma’am to a guy…he was using his manners and being kind. I know not all of our readers are from the South so I need a Northern comment to balance me out, but I love being from the South. I love to have doors opened for me and don’t mind being called ma’am by my student athletes at work. I love to show the same respect to people. I’m not trying to say you are old when I say yes ma’am or sir. I use it for everyone. I was brought up that way and I choose to raise Parker in the same manner.

But that’s not all that kindness is about. The Random Acts of Kindness or Pay It Forward movements are fantastic in my opinion. Who needs a reason to share God’s love? Teaching your children to make a conscious effort to make other people happy is what God meant by “love your neighbor.” After all, Jesus cited it as the second most important commandment for a reason…it is important to God. Many of us have trouble approaching people formally with the Gospel. But kindness takes as little or as much effort as you want to put into it.

Send an old-fashioned card to a friend for no reason…just to tell them you think they are great. Keep extra candy in your purse to offer to another child who sees your little one sucking on a yummy treat. Put a cute little note for your husband to find that reminds him why you love him. When you are finally shopping all by yourself, help the mom of 3 struggling with her groceries behind you. I love the translation above to be content with second place. So let that car out in front of you. Let someone else use the elevator while you wait. You get the picture. Kindness is not hard. It just takes a little thought. It can even become second nature if you do it enough and expect your kids to do it. So let me know if you have any good advice for instilling kindness in your little one or brightening someone else’s day yourself!

Judging

“Don’t be nitpickers; use your head—and heart!—to discern what is right, to test what is authentically right.” John 7:24

Happy Mother’s Day! I hope that you each enjoyed the day and were reminded of the joy that God has given you through motherhood. I actually caught a nap today! That was after I judged which dessert looked best at the restaurant! I guess the author is right that judging has caught a bad rap. We are always told not to judge, but what about when we need to judge. Which dress looks best for the event? Which is your healthiest option at the vending machine? Is this playground too high for your little one? There are even times you need to judge other people. Should I walk alone by that crowd of men? Is it okay to let that woman hold my child? (You know you’ve had strangers ask!) Do I really trust this cab driver on this side of town?

You can’t spend your life worrying about everyone, but split judgments of character could save your life. Nitpicking, however, will not. For example, your child will never be perfect. He or she will make a scene at the store, demand to wear a superman cape or tutu to church, or flat out refuse to say hello to the nice man in line. That is when you have to choose what is important. What is shaping your child’s character? For me, I don’t mind Parker picking out something crazy to wear, but I do want him to have manners and speak when spoken to.

As for judging others, we all do it. We just need to make an effort to correct ourselves when we are judging out of jealousy or annoyance. I really wish I had beautiful hair, so I have started admiring the pretty hair around me. I once would have found something critical to think to make myself feel prettier than that person. And I am quick to say ugly things about people who do things I don’t like. I’m working on that, too. So, the next time an ugly judgment comes to mind, quickly find something nice to think about that person. If you are really ready for a challenge, say the nice thing to their face. Don’t make it sugary or over the top, though, or it will come off as fake. Especially, those of you in the South…bless your heart should not precede your compliment!

Improvements

“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong; By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. Philippians 3:12

Ah, the famous race toward the goal verse. It appears on football plaques, in coaches’ speeches, and even on purses these days. It is typically thought of as a sports mantra. For moms it can be even more. And for Christians, it should be our whole existence.

For the athletic theme, many of you fondly remember days of high school softball, volleyball, etc. For me it was more like intramural football and soccer at Troy. Your goal was scoring a run, defending a goal, or making a certain time. In that very moment nothing else mattered. Your adrenaline was pumping and the sweet taste of victory was on your tongue.

What if we put that kind of effort into raising our kids? The goal is Christ-centered adults who have a personal relationship with Jesus and seek to share that with others. Every day, nothing else matters. You can see that little boy or girl someday growing up to make a difference in this world. That is a much sweeter taste of victory than any trophy or accolade from a coach. But we have to consciously make the effort to reach that goal. We can’t rely on teachers at school or church to mold our little ones. We can’t expect our husbands or family members to get the job done. We have to train ourselves everyday by putting in practice time(reading our Bibles, spending time in prayer), stepping up to the plate (really thinking about how we will answer our child’s question Biblically or explain to him about God’s love), hitting the ball (showing him a Christian example to follow), and running our hardest toward home plate (setting goals for the future like family mission trips or daily quiet times as he is old enough).

But the true race that we are running is the race of life. We run toward Jesus, trusting Him in every situation. We honor Him with our choices, our worship, and our relationships. The goal is eternity with Him and the taste of victory will come when He says, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

So, back to improvements. Your sports days may be over, but how can you improve the way you raise your kids? How can you improve their meals, their education, their exposure to Jesus and His Word? And how can you improve your own exposure and opportunities to study and worship Him? What about your meals, your fitness, your relationships? Step it up and keep your eyes on the prize! No turning back!